Family is Everything

As many of you know, I recently went to Switzerland to help Goo get adjusted and settled into her new life there with her dad and step-mom.  I don't even know where to start with how this trip influenced me.  It wasn't just a vacation - it was an experience.  I went there expecting to just see how she was going to live and help her set up her room.  It was so much more than that!

First of all, the only reason I was able to do this is because my ex-husband and his wife invited me to stay in their home for two weeks.  That alone is pretty mind-blowing when you think about it.  Not many divorced parents are willing or able to do that kind of thing for their kids.  Everyone has a different situation, so I'm very aware of how rare that kind of thing is.  I'm extremely grateful and infinitely appreciative of the fact that they were generous enough to do that, if not for me, but for Goo and her sisters.

I got there expecting to stay under the radar ... not "get in the way too much".  I wasn't sure how the dynamic in the house would be, so I was planning on staying up in Goo's part of the house and just make the most of my time with her and the girls.  As a group, we've been around each other a few times, but never long term like this.  I didn't know what they were expecting of me and wasn't sure how their kids would respond to me being there.  I was  happy to discover that it felt oddly relaxed and dare I say comfortable?!  It's like it's weird that it wasn't more weird.  Is that weird?  We were like one big team, watching after the kids and keeping the house in order (6 kids ranging in age from 2 to 14 is a lot in one traditional-style Swiss home).  I got to know the au pair they hire every summer that the girls always rave about when they come home.  She was everything the girls said she was.  Extremely sweet, cutest French accent you've ever heard and truly awesome with the kids.

I've always maintained a friendship with my ex because he's a good man and a loving father.  But after staying there this summer, I was able to get to know his wife in a whole new way and that was extremely healing for me.  She's gone above and beyond to prove to me (not that I was expecting her to go beyond just being nice to them when they're with her) that she genuinely cares for them - enough so she's willing to open her home up to her husband's previous wife!  That's big to me.  And while I was there, she not only was polite, but we actually had some good "mom" conversations about what it's going to be like with Goo there and keeping up with her school functions.  It was fun getting to know her and it made me feel good to feel that she seemed more interested in my emotional well-being than I had assumed she was.  I can honestly say that I feel like we're friends after this and my mind is very at ease knowing that she's doing the "mom stuff" for Goo in my absence.

I had a blast with their kids.  They're little and cute and fun and I enjoyed playing with them.  Listening to them speak in various languages within a matter of minutes was pretty entertaining as well!  I have to admit, I don't miss that phase of life when it comes to the crying and the diapers and the "getting into everything".  But looking at those sweet faces - faces that I can see in my own children - made me feel very comfortable.  Now that I look back, ironically, I think their similarities to Goo and Baloo helped me relax around them and I was able to enjoy playing and laughing with them - which I need to do if I'm going to be able to chill and enjoy myself around someone else's kids.

I think that was probably the most significant thing I got out of this trip.  I feel like I can honestly say that my children likely don't feel the separation in their family the way a lot of kids do.  Roo got to enjoy playing with everyone - it was like she inherited cousins that she can now look forward to seeing and playing with in the future.  It was a win for all the kids.  My two older girls have a big, spread out family that spans the Western world and when we're geographically near each other, we can enjoy each other's company.  How awesome is that?!

Of all the things I saw and did in Switzerland, I have to say that I didn't anticipate the healing, mending experience that it turned out to be.  I hope that it's not the last time we all get together and share time like that.  If it is, I have some wonderful memories and I'm pretty sure the kids did, too.  More on the funny parts of my time in Switzerland to come ... but I had to start with the deep thoughts.  They were too important to hold back on.

Family is everything people.  And there's no one "layout" ...